Family Matters

When my cousin first got married, I was a bridesmaid. I didn't reach for the tossed flowers. When she married again, I attended that wedding. Recently she renewed her marriage vows but I did not attend. I didn't because I know she voted against me having the legal right to get married. She is a minister and thinks she should follow the writings in an ancient book when it comes to other people's lives. Last week when we attended a family cookout, she said she was jealous because I attended that event and not hers. Her sister said me and her had a special connection like that and laughed it off. I get along with all my cousins even though they think homosexuality is "wrong". It's wrong for them but right for me.

At the cookout, the sisters had to go to the store to get a few more things and told me to come with them. They make an effort to include me in things and get irritated when I don't participate. They are Black hetero-women who think women should be with men but they both have had friends and aquaintances who are gay and lesbian. We don't talk about my sexuality. One of them have asked a couple of times about a woman I was close to but she hasn't lately. My minister cousin doesn't treat me any differently than she does anyone else in the family and neither does my other family members. Yes, some still make stupid comments about gay people but it no different than how they talk about hetero-people. People like to gossip. I don't care much for the word "dyke" or "fag" which some of them use, but some gay people also use those words.

What I've noticed is that many heterosexuals who have a negative opinion about homosexuality really don't treat homosexuals any differently than they treat heterosexuals that they get along with. It makes me wonder just how much of the negativity is due to socialization. Some hetero-women have no problem with being friends with a gay man but don't want to be friends with a lesbian because they might be thought of as gay by association. Some hetero-men have no problem with being friends with a lesbian but don't want to be seen even talking to a gay man.

I told my best web-friend about hetero-women I knew who had no problem with talking to me in public but they wouldn't come to my house or go out with me unless others were in the group. She said it was the same way for her. And that is because they don't want their sexuality to be questioned and rumored about. There are women I went to school with and wasn't very close to but when we see each other now we greet each other with smiles and sometimes even hugs. So basically, I'm greeted like they greet others. They would not go out to lunch alone with a male because it would LOOK like a date and they wouldn't have a male come to their house because it would be assumed that something other than talking was happening. And that is the same reason they will not be alone with me. It wouldn't look right. They don't ask me about kids the way a couple of women have done who try to be smart alerky, which I ignore.

Okay, I get it. Some heterosexuals are also limited in who they can openly spend time with. A lot of people are put into little boxes that they don't permit themselves to outgrow. Many people don't make real friends with or date someone of another "race" or "religion" because their family and friends might not approve. So a social divide due to sexuality is just another way to keep people disconnected from each other. But some people make the effort to be as open as they can be toward others not exactly like them.

Oh, my minister cousin was standing over my shoulder one day and saw that I was viewing a lesbian site. She didn't preach at me. As a matter of fact, when my computer stopped working she brought me a used laptop she had. She has even said recently that what people do is none of her business but she doesn't want to see it. And I have no problem with that because I don't want to see heterosexuals kissing and carrying on in public either. Sometimes, depending on the situation, gay people should just understand that some heterosexuals are not mean because they think homosexuality is wrong. As with anything else, it is how people actually treat you personally that counts. I know I have had an a positive impact on how my family, friends and acqaintances now view homosexuality. I don't have to shout that I'm a lesbian. I just am. And all that means is that my romantic/sexual interest will be a woman. Some of my neighbors wave and don't stop their kids from playing in my yard, using my tables and chairs to play on. People gossip but so what, they gossip about anybody.

So basically, all these words is just to say - live your life by respecting yourself and don't allow the attitude of others sway you from being who you are. Each person has a little box, their comfort zone, so don't try to force people to change who they are the same as you don't want someone trying to change you. Respect yourself, be respectful to others and recognize that actions speak louder than words. People who yell and cuss while trying to belittle others usually can't have an intelligent discussion about what they are so riled about. Hence, they are not worth listening to or trying to talk to. Everyone's opinion matters but no one's opinion is more valuable than anyone elses.

Family matters and we don't all have to agree on everything but loving and respecting each other is how you keep the family together and strong.