MY FRIEND MISSY

Missy isn't her real name. I like to watch her walk. When I would tell her to turn for me, she would, and I'd just enjoy the view.
My Mom wanted to meet the two women that I had started to talk about. And one in particular, because she could tell by the way I spoke about Missy that this one was extra special. Finally, Mom was showing some interest. Missy came to breakfast at my home. It's just me & Mom. Missy, sitting to my right, reached out to touch my hand when we were eating. She quickly withdrew it. Mom likes her, further surprising me, because she usually doesn't like who I like.

I invited both women to lunch. We met at a Chinese restaurant and Missy sat across from me. My mother was with us at the restaurant so that there were four of us getting better acquainted. I asked "Why am I the only one crunching", and Missy replied "You're the only one eating onions". And I laughed because I knew I wasn't going get kissed anyway. In the parking lot after our meal, Missy gave me a look that made me want to follow her home.

Missy & me got even closer by spending so many hours together at work. I found out more and more about her but she didn't find out much about me because I couldn't talk about myself. I told her she could ask me anything and I'd answer honestly, but she didn't. I couldn't wait to get to work each day. Because of Missy I had awakened again and was feeling what I thought I was beyond feeling ever again. I was falling in love with her.
Naw, I had fallen for her before the end of last season.

She would flirt with me like she flirted with the guys except she would make body contact with me. She'd pass behind me and brush her shoulder across my back. She'd stand close beside me. The plant was cold in winter, and when I told her to come sit by me later and get warm, she did. She sat so that her knee would touch mine. She was so close, I would look at her bottom lip, right-side corner, and want to kiss her there. I gave Missy a Christmas gift that she liked because she walked right up to me at work,
took my face in her hands and said something -- I don't know what. If she would have kissed me -- then and there -- in front of people ...

I said "A little warmth." Missy said, "My hands are cold". I said, "It's not your hands I'm talking about."

One day, Missy was sitting on my stool when I walked up. I massaged her coated back and because I thought I had did it too hard, I said, "I have a softer tough, but haven't used it in a while". A little after that when Missy passed me, she massaged my shoulders. People could see how we were around each other -- nothing overt -- but there was an energy. Others witnessed it, but nobody said anything to us.

Missy told me stories about her ex-boyfriends. I would ask for a story and she would tell me. I told her I didn't know why I wanted to know -- that I wasn't usually interested in other peoples relationships. I was worried that Missy might not understand her attraction to me. And would do something sexual with one of the three guys that wanted her. I told her that I never wanted to hear about it if she ever did it with her friend. She had told me that she wasn't sexually attracted him -- but questions/fear -- can make
people do things to prove something to themselves. I wanted to say don't worry it's just the y in me.

The male friend was in love with her. I've seen him a few times. Once day, Missy came to see me on her break. He came to see her on his break. Missy leaned close to me and gave me a look, and I said "go ahead". The look he gave me -- at first I thought he had heard the rumor(s) and would maybe warn her to stay away from me. I think he felt the closeness between Missy and me. Some things can't be hidden. One night, Missy and me walked up to him sitting in his car. He gave me a similar look. I didn't linger.

I did an Ellen thang -- dropped clues without just saying it. I told her I wanted to ask her out but she was always tired. This was her other job. One night at work, Missy's back was sweating and I wiped it with a paper towel. But I couldn't keep my hand under that shirt. She asked about a massage, and I told her that I couldn't give her one because I was single and hadn't touched anyone in a long time. So many times I wanted to just tell her about myself and tell her how I felt about her. We were feeling each other.

A guy who tried to get close to me -- really liked her. He came to see her during his break. He would stand close and talk in her ear. I wouldn't look at them. Once when he left she said he was 'hard as a rock'. I can't compete with that -- so I don't try. She had gone to his apartment once and they had kissed. She asked if I wanted details if she ever had sex with him. First I said no -- then yes -- I kind of knew that she probably never would
have sex with him. She had told me often enough that she wasn't sexually attracted to him. I was still concerned that she might be confused.

One night when we were leaving the work, I noticed a guy checking Missy out. I told her she had another admirer and that she would be getting a visit soon. The next day, the guy came to see her. He started coming every day on his break. He stood close and whispered in her ear. She had told him that I could read lips -- so he stood so that I couldn't. And I wasn't trying to -- I would look anywhere but at them. I didn't want to interfer, but I did one night tell her to be careful of him. He was smooth. I told her I didn't want her hurt. She appreciated my concern. One night after this guy had left, She leaned into me as she passed to go on break. (We couldn't take break at the same time because we worked the same line.) That motion told me that she understood how I was feeling.

Working at the same belt, only about 5 feet across from each other, sometimes our hands would touch while we were sorting. A couple of times, I actually moved further down the line to put distance between us. I was very close to saying something and she would try to get me to say something. She's a flirt. (I kept thinking, ease up on me.) And hmmm, one day while working, just listening to her voice turned me on -- and I mean
really. I had to take a restroom break. No, didn't do anything other than put cold water on my face to try to cool down. It had been a while since someone had gotten to me, and she did without even physically touching me. Sometimes when we were leaving the work, she would purposely move on the wrong side of me, so that I had to put my hands on her. Once, after clocking out, we stopped in the break room and she put popcorn in the microwave. For someone so small, she liked to eat. Munching, she said "mmmm" and I just looked at her. I don't know if I said it aloud, but I sure was thinking, "don't do that, I'm going home alone". I want to be the one to get her to make that sound.

On another night, after work, we were standing at her car. We were talking and I was fighting the urge to touch her. There was a different feel, being outside, with the moon over us. Then the 'smooth' guy came up. I looked skyward and said hunter's moon and she acknowledged that she understood what I meant. I went to my car and drove away leaving them alone. She had to go to her next job, so couldn't have talked to him long.
But I was a little irritated. The brief time in the parking lot felt so good.

I was concerned about someone saying something to Missy because we were friends but she was oblivious or just didn't care what people said. I had told her that I didn't want her hurt because she knew me. And if being friends with me made her life complicated, (she has family), and she couldn't deal, all she had to do was call and say goodbye, no explanation needed. That way, I would know not to call, or expect her to just show up at any time. She's not much on calling, except to see if I'm home before she got here.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Missy in a while. Mom had a doctor's appointment and I took her. While in the waiting room, Missy came from the back and wow she looked good. She sat beside me so that her knee touched mine. She didn't care that people were there including Mom, and I sure as heck didn't. I was trying not to grin like the Cheshire cat. A guy I knew came in, zoomed Missy, walked right pass me with no
acknowledgement, to stand in front of her. She ignored him. One of the women at the reception desk kept looking at me. We didn't get to talk long because she had somewhere else to go and I had to escort Mom to the back. I walked with Missy to the glass doors and she reached for me. I always have to restrain myself when she hugs me. Days later when we spoke on the phone I asked her about the guy and she said "what guy". Damn, that made me feel good.

It has been months and months since I last saw Missy. She doesn't live in town. The last time we spoke on the phone, she told me to keep calling her. I don't know what's up, she doesn't share everything with me. She is use to handling things on her own. I know she was having some financial difficulty. It's the time we're living in now. I use to ask her if there is anything I could do to help and she always said no. I don't ask anymore. So I wait with the hope that she'll call to say hello, or to say she's in town and wants to see me.

I miss my friend.