COMING OUT to my best friend

My Best Friend (BF), got laid off at the plant where we worked together. It was on her birthday. I didn't know if I would ever see her again -- so I told her that I wanted to ask her out -- but she was always tired. (She had another job.) The next day, we met for breakfast. I brought her two bags of Christmas candy. I also brought along a poetry journal. I wanted to keep seeing her but I wanted her to know the truth about me -- and not just rumors. Because even though we had shared special time together while working -- I wanted her to really know without question. We first went to I-Hops for breakfast but they were crowded and I didn't want to wait. So we went to a fast food restaurant. Not usually a breakfast eater I only had juice -- and besides -- my insides were jumping. On the way into the restaurant I met someone I knew who was on the way out. BF asked me who that was -- and I told her that she was a woman that worked at a store that I frequented. Once before, at the plant, BF had walked up and had seen me talking to another woman -- and the look she had on her face made me wonder if she was jealous. Friends get jealous too.

After breakfast, we sat in her car and I started to cry as she read. I had told her that I had something to tell her and she said I didn't have to if I didn't really want to. Did she not want to hear it verbalized -- because being so religious -- she would have to stop seeing me? As she read, I cried. She gave me a tissue. It hurt -- I thought I would lose her. I felt so weak - crying. I asked if she wanted me to get out of her car. She said no. She continued to read and gave me another tissue. (A guy came out of the restaurant to dump garbage. He saw us -- me crying. He'll never know the story.)

Even though I didn't talk about my past with her -- she needed to understand that I do have one. At the plant during one of our many talks, I had told her that I was tired of playing games. That I wanted to be with someone who wanted to be with me -- and only me -- that I didn't want to share. BF misunderstood why I was crying. She thought I didn't want to be gay. I tried to explain how difficult life was because of how people are about this issue -- that I didn't have a problem within myself being attracted to women. I told her that I didn't want to lose her. That I didn't want her to think that I was trying to use her -- that if we were going to really be friends (not just at the plant) that she had a right to know. I asked again if she wanted me to get out of her car. She said no. Leaving my car at the restaurant, we went to a yard sale. We are still friends.