TAKE ME FAR

Fran took Milly for a ride in your car.
Milly told her that she'd never been that far.
Fran swore to keep her safe
And led Milly to her special place.
So Milly followed where Fran led
And found her true self
Fran's touch -- her kiss
Milly could not resist

Back at home -- alone -- after the bliss
Milly couldn't believe she had did this
Tears fell harder than the rain
But it didn't wash away the pain
Or Fran's scent from her skin

Milly later whispered on the phone
I need to see you again
Take me for another ride in your car
Take me far.
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NOTE: Sometimes it's difficult for a woman to cross that line and sometimes even harder to stay where she really wants to be. The first coming out, should be to herself. It's sometimes lonely, but it can't be any lonelier than being in a relationship that is the opposite of what she wants. This is not throwing off on anyone. I've read so many coming out stories, and I feel for each and every woman who wants to break out of the mold that was never a natural fit. And just in case someone is wondering, the tears are because her life as she knows it is about to change.

A LITTLE TIME

What if I said hello
And asked you to spend a little time
Would you say no?
What if I said you were pretty
And I wanted to know you better
But don't tell your mama
Cause it would only upset her
If I asked for your number so I could phone
Would you tell me to leave you alone?
I know you're curious -- let's find out how much
Give me a chance -- I'll just look
And promise not to touch -- unless invited
But you can reach out for me
Anytime the urge moves you
Don't be shy -- we'll go slow
Let's go for a drive -- a walk in the park
We can go to the fair
I'll even take down my hair
I'll buy the tickets -- you get the popcorn
I'll recite a poem -- maybe one of my own
In time your fear will fade
Till we won't have to sneak
If your Mama kick you out
Knock at my door
You've already rang my bell
------------
NOTE: This poem was written years ago. But, it doesn't matter what the age, when you meet someone and would like to spend time with her, the obstacles maybe too high and too wide -- namely the negative opinions of family and friends.

THEY KEEP PUSHING

Most things I let slide
Call me a bitch
You don't know me well enough
I'm not yours
A thief - liar -- takes my trust

A few things are worth rising for
Put your hands on my mother
Mess with the kids
Threaten me with physical harm
And I won't wait for it
Quiet, peaceable me
Cussing and fighting in the street

They keep pushing
My Buggs Bunny button
Resurrecting my Emma Peel
Do they really want to see my
Xena 'come get some' smirk
The dust is sifting off my
Bruce Lee calm.
----------
NOTE: I changed the part of me that I didn't like, and for a while let people verbally abuse me. But I've never let anyone physically abuse me.

TROUBLE

In the dark
We went for a walk in the park
With my back against the bark
You pressed in close -- and kissed me once
I heard you breathe
But I couldn't see your eyes
Could you feel me shaking?
Didn't you realize the trouble you were making?
Between us no words were spoken
Because the spell would have been broken
When you took me home
And we stood at my door
You gently kissed my hand
And said to call if I wanted more
With weak knees -- I climbed the stairs
And fell across my bed
Remembering what you said -- did
Denying your power
I took a bath for nearly an hour
But your intoxicating scent was still there
On my clothes thrown over the chair
I flung them into the washer
Letting them soak and spin twice
Damn! Your touch was so nice
After much soul searching
I'm feeling better
A little unholy -- a little self-righteous
Here -- these flowers are for you
You've broken through

THE TWINS

the twins -- i could tell them apart then
they were older -- and handsome
i believed them a friend
they used me -- didn't abuse me -- not much
they just liked to touch and kiss
i let them -- but i got no pleasure from this
i was young -- lonely -- and shy
remembering back -- as i sometimes do
i ask myself why -- why do boys brag and boast
it only meant i liked them most
i thought they were special the matching book ends
now i can't tell them a part
they were never my friends
so you ask -- why tell
it's over and done
if you spit on dirt
it only makes mud
because i want it out of my head
so it can be buried without dread
hey -- if you don't want to know
don't read any more.

NO WAY OUT

My earnest declaration was to never
Do her again
Putting distance between me and
Temptress

Gathering data : (opinions -- scripture -- rhetoric)
Came to the conclusion that
Sin is not big or little
And if a thought is as sinful as the deed
Then there is no way out

Come here

Rejuvenated with just one kiss
Speaking in tongues
Words wasn't necessary
Each sigh stroked my ego
Warmth filtered in

Here I go again
Committing Sin.

Fear Squeezes

She ask -- what's wrong?
Why are you crying?
Nothing you say
But she knows you are lying.

Why do you stay in your room?
You're too much alone -- you need
Some sun -- some friends -- some fun.
How can you ever tell her -- ever say
Mom, I'm ....

You've heard them laugh, joke and scoff
The ones whose opinions matter.
If they knew your secret -- your world would shatter.
So you crookedly smile as your teeth grind
While you die a little more inside.

With the shades down and the radio blasting
Try to shut out the fear and the unanswered questions.
As you go through another day, month, year
Of silent screaming and fasting.
When you go into the light
Forget about the dream in the night.
Keep your eyes moving -- don't look too long
Watchful eyes might figure out what's wrong.

Fear squeezes your heart
You have no one -- yet love songs rip you apart.
Each second, minute, hour -- makes you older
Feeling the unmentionable -- makes you colder.
You're thinking -- not much longer
Your fear is sinking -- as you grow stronger.

The world you must explore.
Let down your hair
Step through the open door.
If they truely care
They will still be there
And let you in when you return.

ENTITIES

Alone, in your room, in the dark
You think of me
Feel me in the shadows
Oh, you don't want to -- but you do
You ask yourself why
And begin to cry -- until you sleep
But I'm in your dreams
Then when the sun is at heel
And you're around friends and kin
You deny all that you feel
And silently vow to not see me again
You go out of your way
To not cross my path
But I'm in your daydreams
I flow through your veins
Taking your breath away
For a week or so -- you're weak
Then my path you come along -- again
Saying you're sorry
Asking me to let you in
Well -- what about me
I don't need you just in the night
But you keep your distance when the sky is bright
I want -- I need
To look at your eyes
And see you smile
In the dark
When you're hungry
I can hold and taste you
But it's no longer enough
And you're making it damn tough
You keep telling me
This is all we can ever be
Two wandering -- sometimes colliding
Entities

Earth Angel

You touched me with your eyes
My hand reached for you.
Your smile said "yes".
So I did -- put you to the test.
Your breath said "More".
Oh honey -- that was an easy chore.
Don't tell me your sordid past.
Joy is short-time
Pain last and last.
Okay -- if you need to expose
What's been hidden for so long
Go on tell me
Fine -- now it's out.
Now I know more of what you are about.
And I'm still here.
It's okay -- from me you have nothing to fear.
What I've heard doesn't turn your feet to clay.
You can't forget -- but put it away.
Now I understand your uncertain smile.
Baby, you and I both have walked more
Than a bare-footed mile.
I kind of figured there was more inside.
It's eased my mind to know
That I didn't tarnish
An earth angel's halo.

DREAM

When we took the floor
I'm glad I dared
I closed my eyes
Shut out their stares
You placed your hand in mine
Your head on my shoulder
What we felt isn't hard to define
I was feeling bolder
Your warm sweet breath caressed my neck
I couldn't stop my hand from moving lower
What the heck
Your waist I gently held
And under your spell I fell
Since I've looked in your eyes
Inhaled your fragrance
Touched your skin
I can longer fight what's within
Baby I can't wash away your scent
Some will say I'm bent
So what -- I'm past that now
I don't give a hot damn
What they say I am
I've lived what others thought I should be
Now I'm gonna live for me
I need your love
It's better than whiskey or dope
If not sanctioned from above
I'll tell Him I'm sorry
But your smile
And His promise
Gives me hope.

Brown Wrapper

i opened the mag
took a quick look
wondered how much nerve it took
to that way pose
to totally expose
wow! nothing concealed
everything revealed
long and lean hard bodies
one shiver - one take
acknowledge quiver
brown wrapper
deliver

You Touched

You touched in forbidden places
Traded nervous kisses
Left lipstick traces
You wanted to call
Hours after the fall
But you had no voice
Your senses were raw
Until your mind began to thaw
And your body lowered the flame
Now your blood is cold
As you lay there in darkness
With fear gripping your soul
In that lightless room you ponder
How could you let it go so far
As you shake -- there's a dull ache
You were wound too tight
You strummed too fast
And she didn't say good night
Are you already a part of her past
Now you're a broken string
Cowering in the dark
Yet wanting to sing
Wondering
What will tomorrow bring?

ARE YOU SO FAR . b3

Just up the road
Small planes land & unload
Rise & go -- here then gone
Toward the unknown -- towards you?
While outside my back door
Engines run on steel trails
A few steps from my front porch
Awaits a bue Chevy
Can I reach you on rubber wheels
'Cause you're only a few miles away?
Could I get there quicker by clanging steel
Or are you so far I need the relay?
Auto - train - plane
Metal wings or sprout my own
You know I'll try almost anything -- once
I'll journey over land, water, mountain
Drop a dime
I did -- in the wishing fountain
From you not one post card line
Call collect
Just let me know that you're okay
I'm still here
Praying that you will return one day.

FROM THE HILL

Am I ill?
Should I end it?
Pills? One single shot?
Ain't but one cure for what I got.
I've tried to accept it.
I know they won't.

From the hill
I look down upon the town
Raise my face to the skies
Shield my eyes
The Son seems so near
The day is beautiful
The solution is simple and clear.

Only nothing is simple
Put away your fear.

This maybe as close as I'll get to Heaven.
Up here on this hill

No -- you're not ill.
LIVE with what you feel.

I look upon the town
Then start back down.
----------
NOTE: I wasn't going to post this one, but decided to after reading about LGBT teens attempting suicide. I have not attempted it but I do know the loneliness of dealing with growing up a lesbian.

HARBINGER

alas -- you capricious cad
you did not heed my warning
one too many barbs has brought wrath
place desiccated floral in the fountain

no! no! forget about repentance
it is repudiated
you say now that you meant no harm
but you caused much pain
no -- it was not your hands that killed
your words were like poison
and your young victim
wasn't strong enough.
---------
NOTE: There was a news report of a boy who killed himself. He couldn't take being tormented by his classmates about his weight. One day, he couldn't face another day of abuse so he checked himself out of this world. Being fat, being gay, being mentally slower -- is difficult enough without being mentally & physically abused by uncaring people. When I heard this report, I couldn't stop thinking about how unhappy this kid was in his short life. And I wonder if the tormenters even felt bad. My heart hurts for the 'babies' who feel alone.

An Empty Space

Sarah's got a bad reputation.
Tara's got only feel good intentions.
Because of the rain Sarah accepted a ride.
When Tara asked (stupidly brusque)
Sarah said she needed time to decide.
Tara wasn't so hard up -- that she couldn't wait
So she asked in a different way.
Sarah agreed to a date.
More than Tara wanted to -- she liked the girl.
That's why she hesitated about
Bringing Sarah over to her world.
Called a whore
Jockey's in and out the back door
With Tara -- she'll be labelled a freak
Tara is the "IT" of whom the christian's speak.
Tara called and cancelled.
When they passed days later
Sarah looked hurt -- Tara felt like a jerk.
So she wrote Sarah a letter -- tried to explain.
For days and days she didn't feel better.
Tara just couldn't forget her.
One day -- they met by chance.
Tara crookedly smiled -- Sarah smiled back.
They drove to Sarah's place.
Tara entered through the front door.
They had wine with dinner.
Talking -- they lost track of time.
Three months later
Most of Sarah's stuff was at Tara's place.
They looked at the clutter
And prayed
That there's never again
An empty space.

THE Y IN ME

relax girl
you just responded to
the Y in me
do you want me to apologize?
okay -- I'm sorry girl
that you kissed me
the moon was full
you smelt good
so I kissed you back
it was just
the Y in me.

The Game

I was in the playhouse with a beautiful boy.
The old man on the porch across the street thought
We were doing something -- adult.
We weren't -- not even a kiss
I wanted a kiss -- he didn't even try.

The old man tried when I went to his house.
He was old enough to be my grandfather.
I told my mama.
There was a confrontation.
I grew up.
Some old men still cross the line.
I don't trust any man
Around my two too-young nieces.

A boy came to my back door smelling clean.
"It's just soap", he said.
He kissed me -- he didn't ask.
It wasn't bad.
I tried to let him down -- gently.
Did he tell the boys in the bottom
That he had scored?
It didn't phase me then
I can smile about it now.

I walked into my living room.
They were waiting for me.
He tried to kiss me.
She tried to kiss me.
I caught the look between them.
I wondered – what is this?
Am I suppose to be that easy?
She should have tried without him.
I already knew that his touch
Didn't move me.

R and me went to my cousin’s house.
And made too much noise trying to let the sofa - up.
In the car when I dropped him off
He held the door open with his foot.
So that the guys could see him kiss me good night.
Did he tell them that he had scored?
---------
NOTE: These are just bits & pieces as I moved through my life. The sofa was kept flat, but we wanted to sit, so tried to let it up. We didn't go beyond kissing. (See, I tried the guy thing.) A man asked a woman if she ever had a good relationship with a man. Someone has probably wanted to ask me that. The 'just soap' boy wouldn't look at me or acknowledge me after I turned him down. Another guy who liked me, wouldn't look at me after he heard the rumors. A few guys I know, don't care. They still like me, and want to put their arms around me or stand close. I don't push anyone away who wants to make contact as long as they are respectful. --Salty

SETTLED

On the back seat of his car
He whispered sweet nothings
Soft voice and warm hands
Foggy windows
A give-in night.

Three months later
She sits in class lost in scared-ville
He won't return her phone calls
Or speak to her in the crowded halls.

She had the baby
Graduated a year after her mates
Shows her I.D. at the factory gates
It wasn't pretty or easy
She just did the best she could.

She kissed Suzy
But gave herself to him
Because she was scared
Of how Suzi made her
Feel.

They seldom see each other
But when they do -- she smiles
Then cries at night
She settled and dates men
That she can't
Feel.

Suzi will never
Settle

SCHOOL GIRL CRUSH

in my school book
i wrote your initials inside a heart
i was young and innocent then

my thoughts of you were never naughty
about you i never dreamed
(well only once/twice)
in the sunlight in the night

one day i think i saw you
i'm not sure
the long legs and long red hair was to fair away
i thought of you often that day

now that i'm older -- and understand
sometimes i think of you
and allow myself to say your name
in my head
i smile and don't feel bad
(don't you feel bad)

long ago -- did you guess
why i couldn't stop watching you/?
did you wonder why
you returned the look?
did you ever right my initials
in your school book?
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
long legs and long red hair
she glances and catches my stare
wondering -- she looks away
it's the same routine
five out of seven days