I Was A Teen Lesbian

What is it about me, that even from a young age, females were always trying me? Sex appeal - even way back then? HA! One teen-day, I was standing with several other girls when my best friend, at the time, put me against the fence and put a leg between mine. Yeah, just thinking about it, I'm smiling right now. The other girls said "awww!". It was day time and very out in the open. Guess what? One of the other girls had did more with me in private than what had just been done to me in public.

The friendship with the fence girl ended abruptly. Not because of the public display. My first female heartbreak. Losing a friend can hurt just as bad as losing a girlfriend. Hey girl, if you are reading this, give me a call and say hi. I see her every once in a while. The last time I saw her she reached out and pulled my thin jacket closed against the winter chill and introduced me to her boyfriend (or husband). I don't even know what he looks like because I was just looking at her and smiling. Hey, it wasn't that cold so did she just need to touch me - right there in front of her man - all these many years later? (wink)

One of the girls that had said "awww" was my first girl kiss. She was actually my first kiss. We spent time in her bedroom with the door locked. We sat in a tree one day and she leaned in to kiss me but realized that we could be seen. That wild field is now a parking lot and every time I think back to then, I think of the song lyric "they paved paradise and put up a parking lot". Or I hear that song and think about that almost kiss in our tree. We use to make a tent outside, using a blanket for the floor and one for the roof. A fence was the back and we'd clip newspaper to the roof blanket to make walls for privacy. We'd sit in our tent and k i s s. I now know that not all girls who kiss girls are like me. Back then, I didn't have a word for me liking girls.

She was a little older than me, so when she was at an age to date boys, she did -- and got pregnant. By then we had stopped spending time together, but it stung anyway. After that, relationships were just whatever they were with no expectations on my part. I learned early that I can't control what other women do or who they spend time with when not with me.

I've read post by hetero-women who say they suddenly fell for a woman. Yeah, and? I've being doing that since I was ten. And some teens post they were "straight" their whole life but now is crushing on a girl. Their whole life? I read in a mag, maybe the New Yorker, about a group of girls who paired up and kissed in a basement. Each pair had a girl who played the boy. Okay, if they need to think they should only kiss boys then the brainwashing worked on some of them. It didn't work on me because I still prefer kissing girls and don't have to be a "boy" to do it.

I have a web-friend who is married to a man but she is in love with a woman who is also married to a man. Up until she fell for that woman she didn't notice women checking her out, but now she does. And she now notices other women in an hmm way. If more women would just loosen up and just peep outside that box they are in, life could be more fun. There doesn't have to be any lines crossed. I'm a lesbian but I notice when a man is checking me out. I take it as flattery that someone finds me attractive enough to look. Yeah, women checking me out is more fun but it is all flattering since I don't be trying to catch anyone's attention. Well, sometimes my eyes don't obey me.

The other day, I talked with a cashier the whole time she was ringing my purchase. Well, except for when she was counting my change. We just stood and talked and then she walked to the door with me where the bag guy was waiting with my basket. I pointed to the vehicle I was riding in so he could go ahead. Don't rush me when I'm talking to a woman.

So, all you lesbian & bi-women who have just accepted yourself and want to feel more comfortable talking to women, just talk to them. Women are everywhere. If you like someone, you have to be bold enough to at least in a subtle way, let a woman know you find her interesting enough that you will take time to talk to her. Even if it leads nowhere, just enjoy being in a woman's presence and having her attention. Eye contact, a smile, conversation and charm can work. You've got to start somewhere. START MAKING SOME NICE MEMORIES.

I've been reading blogs by lesbians and have read only one or two that tell about the writers having girlfriends while a teenager. So if you are a blogger and have written about growing up a lesbian, say hi because sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with good teen memories of playing with sweet girls.