Then or Now. It was hard hiding a part of myself from my Mom. With parents acceptance of a kids sexuality, I think the kid can take on what comes next. Hiding part of myself means I wasn't free mentally to explore girl relationships openly for fear that someone would find out. Now imagine trying to juggle boys advances while thinking about girls. I received no info about boys except not to let them touch me. Of course that didn't stop me. My interest was girls and I had to deal with that whole issue by myself.Boys can watch porn but girls are still not suppose to be interested/view a nude male body. My Mom had some adult novels that she tried to hide from me. But I read them and the ones that really interested me was the stories about women together. Of course those women were together when a man wasn't around. I read a paperback book, Part-time Lez, about a woman who blackmailed her friend into showing her what the boyfriend had did to her orally. They liked it but at the end, they both ended up with men. There was a point where the friends had a threesome with one's boyfriend. (Oh, I'm so lucky The Twins were afraid of my Mom when somehow I ended up in a room alone with them.) I cut out the parts with the women together and put it in a journal. Mom gave away the other novels. But she didn't throw away the girly mags that my younger brother had. I eventually got some of his mags and cut out some of those pics and put them in my journal. I was in my twenties by then but still had no access to certain publications except my brothers. And I still have that journal but I haven't looked at it in a long time. My brother's girlfriend was allowed upstairs in the bedroom. But not my boyfriend, the short time I had one. If Mom and my family only knew what sweet little innocent me was up to way back then. Sometimes remembering is good. But when I think back over some of the stuff I did .... The only thing I really regret is dropping out of college but my mind sort of crashed from the weight of trying to deal with being a lesbian. That sociology class and the looks from classmates .... It didn't last long but it was rough for a while but I came through it mentally stronger. Years later, I graduated from business college, even made the deans list before I got bored.
My teen nieces wear skin tight pants. I told them if they had to run they couldn't. One day, my oldest niece exited a store ahead of me. A grown man was looking at her until he saw me looking at him. I've dealt with the issue of older boys and men looking and touching. I know what some are capable of and I have told my nieces that they may want a boy to look at them but a man could also be looking at them and they needed to be careful. I've told them that boys are cute but first things first. I'm only an aunt but I worry. Well one is going to community college. The other one is still in school but has a job. Whew!
Music videos, that my nieces like to watch, reenforce the stereotype that the female body is for male pleasure while the girls are given very little view of a male physique. Would a parent allow a girl to watch half nude gyrating females in those music videos if they thought she might be gay? If the males in those videos were stripped down and showing bulges, would parents allow their girls or possibly gay boys to look at that. In those videos all the women are basically the same size.Some top music women did a video for Cancer. They were all on stage together. From a slight distance, I couldn't tell them apart -- not even the Black singers from the White singers. A few years back, I saw a video where boys were looking at a mom who came poolside wearing a bathing suit. They ignored the little girl their age. Now would a video be shown on MTV if a dad came out with tight trunks on and a bulge and girls were zooming on him and some sexual reference was implied.
A man who knew me as a child would not hug me after I had become an adult. He never did or said anything improper to me as some other men and boys did. I respected him so much.
Last week, a movie came on and the very first part was a woman talking about her boyfriends penis. (Gosh, a penis made it onto my lez blog.) Then the scene switched to her naked breast but not the boyfriends penis while they were having sex. See, men gets visuals. I like breast but it did absolutely nothing but irritate me, so I turned it off. Hmm, do heterosexual women really not care to look upon male nudity? I've heard a few comments. I've only seen pics and videos of nude adult males and it does nothing for me sexually, but I do like looking at a well toned not too muscular male body. Hey, works of art Ladies, works of art. Also last week, I came upon a site that had pics of male erections -- no faces. Now how come when I asked months ago for women to send me pics, I didn't receive any? Was it because I said nothing too risque? Smile Ladies, I'm trying to figure out how to end this post. Okay, I can stop now, Springsteen's song Prove It All Night just ended. Oh s--t, now he's singing Bobby said he'd pull out but Bobby stayed in. Sometimes just the wrong song is playing. I need a girlfriend. I have a birthday coming up, maybe I'll get a nice -- gift.
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